Really Awful Movies

Horror shorts can be a heck of a lot of fun. Quick, punchy and to the point, the best ones are those that don’t overstay their welcome. The ABCs of Death and it’s much more consistent sequel The ABCs of Death 2 showcased a wide variety of shorts of varying tones and mediums and showed how malleable the horror genre is. While some shorts did work better than others, the best ones did quite a lot in a limited amount of time. All killer, no filler, as they say. Thus, it’s like a Ramones’ tune (though how anybody could not like a Ramones’ song is unfathomable): Don’t worry. If you don’t like the song, it’ll be over in about three minutes.

Chomp is a 12-minute short by writer/director Lynn Hansen that could easily have been slotted into an ABC’s of Death film and would have been one of the highlights. Call it M for Misunderstanding, B for Blowhard, or C for Chomp, the film does what it does in its brief run-time, entertains, and then is over. Would it have worked as a full-length? Probably not. But as a short, it’s deliciously entertaining.

Mild-mannered Mildred is an acolyte of the Rush Limbaugh like former Navy Seal Dr. Jon Croft. “Zombies, God I hate ‘em!” is how Croft begins his syndicated television show, “The Dr. John Croft Pitbulls and Zombies Hour.” Millie is determined to capture a real-life zombie and get on the show.

Pity poor Kyle Frost. He awakens in Millie’s garage chained to a cinder block. Millie is over-the-moon giddy that she’s finally captured an undead. Trouble is, Kyle is very much among the living and was just leaving a Halloween party in a bargain-basement zombie costume when Millie snatched him. Unfortunately, the old bird is so doggone determined to prove that she’s got one that all reason and rationality has completely left the coop for her.

To say much more would be to spoil the fun of Chomp, but it’s definitely a case of being careful what you wish for.

Chomp is more than ably directed and the performances are spot on, particularly Susan O’ Gara as Millie. Her unfailingly cheerful demeanor rarely falters even as she’s doing some unsavory things. Kyle Porter as Kyle Frost is quite good too.

Chomp is like a good shot of whiskey. It goes down smooth and leaves you feeling fine. The same may not be said were it the whole bottle being consumed, but as a taste, it’s quite savory.

*** (out of five)

Repression and radicalism, rationalization and reconciliation, and of course, truth versus fiction are some of the themes explored in writer/director James Treakle’s full-length debut, Ezekial’s Landing: a micro-budget $10,000 alien-abduction production that, while not without it’s flaws, does hit enough correct notes to warrant a mild recommendation.

The film begins with Joel Hooper hosting Dr. Emma Wright on his Skeptic’s Armory podcast. Joel is a certified non-believer, whereas Dr. Wright has written a first-hand account book on alien abductions. Joel calls Emma out on her abduction story, decrying it as a bunch of bullshit and a way of her processing parental abandonment. As the film progresses, we learn that neither Joel nor Emma are whom they purport to be.

Seems long ago, something went down in Ezekial’s Landing, in the quiet town of Kasdan, Indiana. Joel’s dad was a paranormal researcher who experimented on his son and through some sci-fi fuckery, initiated a close encounter of the disturbing kind whereby Hooper Sr. was taken away on the mothership. Joel and a bunch of his childhood friends were abducted too, then returned to Earth with their brains implanted.
As the years passed, Joel repressed the event and embraced full-blown skepticism. The others, however, formed an alien-embracing cult, awaiting the day when they can once again be whisked away into the final frontier. They’ve adopted a reactionary “you’re either with us or against us” philosophy and are not above killing anyone who gets in the way of their group or mandate.

Joel ultimately forms an unlikely kinship with Dr. Wright and her assistant, UFO enthusiast Kass, as they seek to decipher the source of an otherworldly signal and ultimately stop the alien extremists.

Ezekial’s Landing is a film whose aesthetics belie its budget. The camerawork and lighting are solid and the score and sound design are evocative. The film is deliberately paced, and while never boring, never quite blasts off either.

The performances in Ezekiel’s Landing are hit and miss – understandable in an indie production. Nonetheless, some performances deserve to be singled out. Ransom Pugh as Joel acquits himself well. His demeanor changes appropriately throughout the film’s duration as he’s forced to question and confront events long bottled-up and compartmentalized. Kristine Renee Farley, who plays the cult leader Natasha and was also impressive in Hi-8, is both seductive and menacing and serves ably as the film’s baddie.

Those looking to see CGI aliens and orifice probing will be severely disappointed. Ezekiel’s Landing is a quiet film, a meditation on the aftermaths of an abduction and its lasting repercussions rather than an all-out extraterrestrial spectacle.

While not a fan of most alien abduction films, I did enjoy this one and admire what Teakle did with his limited means. A promising debut that shows better potential of things to come, Ezekial’s Landing ably examines whether the truth is indeed out there, and if so, what does that mean for those of us left behind.

**1/2 (out of five)