Really Awful Movies

The clock is ticking. A scientist is in a race against time to prevent a parasite from being loosed upon the world, to paraphrase Yeats.

Parasite, not to be confused with the eponymous (and far superior) jet-black South Korean comedy – comes to us instead from Charles Band Land.

Parasite (1982) has the plot of many of its post-apocalyptic contemporaries (roving gangs, limited resources) but there’s a decided lack of leather and muscle car mods. There’s also no oasis in the desert so that humanity can repopulate.

Instead of a resourceful tough as the lead, it’s got a tweedy geek, Dr Paul Dean, who carries with him lab equipment and a cannister – basically a giant thermos as per the poster artwork above.

Dean has been compelled by corporate overlords in Xyrex, strong-armed by its brown shirt army of Merchants, to create a bio-weapon. And this makes him face a crisis of conscience, like Oppenheimer. And that’s where comparisons to superior films ends, promise.

Much of Parasite is Dean on the lam in mostly deserted, desert California, stopping in at the establishments which haven’t yet shuttered, and doing ad hoc experiments to kill his own creation before baddies do with it as they please.

Parasite marks the film debut of a very young Demi Moore who provides the only bar in a town with lemons, which could be interpreted as a lemons/lemonade metaphor – after all, she does what she can in a pretty middling and unintentionally hilarious horror. A notch above Leprechaun in entertainment value (take that, Jen Anniston) Parasite also features some VERY early practical effects by Aliens/Pumpkinhead/Predator maestro, Stan Winston.

**3/4 (out of 5)

[Check out the Really Awful Movies Parasite Podcast discussion!]

With the damage inflicted on the franchise by the likes of Blumhouse, David Gordon Green, etc, one can’t help but wonder if John Carpenter’s anthology-centric vision for the Halloween series would’ve been a preferred outcome.

This reviewer (like others), claims Halloween, Halloween II and III as the best series entries, after which the quality decline was so steep, Alex Honnold would probably try to freestyle climb it.

What’s striking about Halloween III, especially vis-à-vis Halloween, Kills, and Ends, is how how fun and spirited it is in comparison.

The tone is great. The opening credits are super creative. The soundtrack is dynamite. Director Tommy Lee Wallace captures the dark Carpenteresque sensibilities brilliantly. And what’s more, Tom Atkins cuts a pretty incredible figure as an ER doc with a Sherlock Holmes bent and a penchant for boozing. That the plot makes not a lick of sense, doesn’t really matter.

The insider/outsider dynamics are among the best I’ve seen, not quite on par with a stone cold classic like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but compelling nonetheless.

The only strike against Halloween III is a bit of a muddled middle, which you can all but forgive/forget given the bang up finale.

***1/2 (out of 5)