Welcome to After School Massacre, a title that delivers T&A along with the 3Rs, as the embittered teacher, embroiled in a sexting scandal, starts hunting down his students after first doing away with the principal and his assistant.
It’s a bit of an odd conceit as he should probably exact revenge on the local school board (or maybe even the teachers’ union for not advocating effectively — or at all — on his behalf) but really…he has nobody to blame for himself when his social media impropriety results in blackmail.
As teens get down to their slumber party, in vodka veritas ice-breaker games getting them out of their restrictive clothing, they’re being hunted, one by one, by a masked assailant. Whomever could that be? Pop quiz, people.
After School Massacre is a no-budget throwback (just look at that poster font) with a bevvy of bubbly girls in various states of undress as well as some male interlopers to ratchet up the body count.
So far so good.
However, the film’s marred by a near constant stream of extraordinarily annoying public domain electronica intruding into the dialogue, not that the chatter is conjuring up the ghost of Paddy Chayefsky or anything…
When the masked maniac breaches the confines of the house party, he kills a leggy brunette with a radio held above his head, all to the strains of what sounds like a royalty-free GarageBand version of Owner of a Lonely Heart by YES.
While this is all pretty standard fare, kudos are warranted for an inspired kill scene and something we’ve never seen before (and which might’ve merited inclusion in our book, Death by Umbrella! The 100 Weirdest Horror Movie Weapons): death by mail box. A vic being pummeled with an uprooted mail box is certainly one for the ages and a nice visual accompaniment to someone going very postal.
After School Massacre also features a pretty neat dream sequence with a student of Mr Anderson’s who’s committed suicide by pills…and ironically, prudently chosen music to accompany the weirdness.
Still, this After School ain’t so special…
** (out of 5)