Really Awful Movies

Eat shit. Millions of flies can’t be wrong.
Bathroom graffiti

Genomic manipulation came to prominence in the 1970s. Salk Institute researcher Rudolf Jaenisch and research partner Beatrice Mintz injected pre-embryonic mouse cellular tissue with a monkey virus. The monkey DNA integrated into the host’s genome.

David Cronenberg’s The Fly, is “transgenic,” an organism that contains genetic material (in this case human) into which DNA from an unrelated organism (a fly) has been artificially introduced.

The original The Fly came out in 1958, just after the discovery of DNA molecular structure and Cronenberg’s version gave it a timely reboot (one wonders given the fuss surrounding genetically modified food, whether this will come into play as horror subject matter).

Jeff Goldblum is Dr. Seth Brundle, a socially awkward researcher with a closet full of identical clothing (inspired by Einstein) who is introduced to a science journalist, Veronica. Her editor wants a big scoop and she supplies him with one: the mad genius Dr Brundle, with whom Veronica gets romantically involved.

The good doctor has developed “telepods” — teleportation devices that can send at first inanimate and then animate objects through space. Initially nylon stockings, and then a cut of steak are teleported, with results that wouldn’t impress the late, great, Anthony Bourdain (“I haven’t started teaching it the poetry of steak” says Brundle). Soon a baboon is teleported across the room (and it should be said that the telepods somewhat resemble insect exoskeletons) and Brundle speculates how the travel industry is going to be completely transformed. Little does he know, the transformation will involve him.

During the first human test phase, everything goes swimmingly and according to plan with Brundle’s matter and energy going from Point A to Point B. However, it turns out a house fly (musca domestica) got in there with him. Soon after, Brundle sports “coarse hair” from his back and starts to develop a house fly’s strength (the fly can lift and get airborne – 50% of its body weight). This strength is soon tested when Brundle tears off an opponent’s limb in a bar arm wrestling bet (a fellow barfly, if you’ll excuse the pun, played by famous Canadian heavyweight George Chuvalo, who fought Ali, Foreman and Frazier).

Like Gregor Samsa in The Metamorphosis, soon Brundle is becoming more comfortable in his flesh and is buzzing, twitching, defying gravity and losing his human parts (“The medicine cabinet is now the Brundle Museum of Natural History!”).

And since flies vomit on food before eating it so enzymes can soften up meals to aid digestion, body horror maestro Cronenberg capitalizes on this in various disgusting ways. The director, in a cameo as a gynecologist, even helps to deliver Veronica’s grotesque pupa baby in a disgusting scene.

As a hybrid human fly (check out the awesome song of the same name by The Cramps) Brundle soon expresses his desire to advocate on behalf of his fellow insects, which comprise some one million plus identified species: “I want to be the first insect politician!” Can’t help but throw our support unequivocally behind this.

**** (out of 5)

CHECK OUT OUR DISCUSSION OF THE FLY ON THE REALLY AWFUL MOVIES PODCAST

In 1995, Danish director Lars Von Trier started the “Dogme 95” movement: rules to take filmmaking back to the roots of traditional storytelling, acting and themes while eschewing elaborate uses of special effects and technology. As such, filmmakers that participated in the movement were forbidden from shooting anywhere but on location. They could only use diegetic sound and were only to employ hand-held cameras while using only the most basic of lighting.

The movement eventually dissipated, but not before spawning a number of notable films including The Celebration, The Idiots, and Julien Donkey-Boy. In 2013, a similar experiment was conducted. Producers Brad Sykes and Tim Ritter assembled a group of independent horror directors and gave them full creative freedom to shoot a horror short providing they conform to eight rules which included location shooting only, the use of nothing but analog equipment, and only practical makeup and special effects. The eight shorts, plus a wraparound directed by Sykes, were then compiled into the anthology film HI-8 (Horror Independent Eight).

The resultant film is a return to the glory days of the shot-on-video (SOV) horror films that populated mom-and-pop shops throughout the 80s and 90s. Like all anthology films, some segments are slightly stronger than others. Still, the margin of quality between the best segments and the worst is razor thin in this one. Each segment of HI-8 is brimming with ingenuity, creativity, gore and gusto, making HI-8 that rarest of anthology films: one which is all killer with very little filler.

Highlights segments include the fourth-wall breaking “Switchblade Insane”, directed by Tim Ritter. In this one, a wife discovers that her husband is in actuality the infamous Switchblade Butcher. This segment examines whether a couple that slays together can actually stay together. “The Tape” by Tony Masiello documents video store employee Tim’s discovery of a rare, unfinished SOV film entitled Bloodgasm. Tim becomes obsessed with the unfinished film and is determined to track down anyone who had a hand in making it. This segment is incredibly gory with some killer practical effects.

“A Very Bad Situation” by Marcus Koch shows a small group of survivors seeking shelter in a garage after a meteorite shower hits Earth. It features an incredible transformation scene which makes it well worth the price of admission. “Gang Them Style” by Ron Bonk is a humorous look at why septuagenarians would never survive the zombie apocalypse.

HI-8 is an ambitious undertaking that truly works. Naturally, the SOV aesthetic means that the film is decidedly not glossy, the actors not those that might grace the cover of Vanity Fair, and you won’t see any of the directors thanking the Academy anytime soon. But if that’s what you’re looking for, by all means, skip HI-8 – I believe there’s a Conjuring sequel scheduled for release sometime soon. The rest of us will be having a blast with this one.

**** (out of five)