Really Awful Movies

Happy Canada Day everyone.

We’re proud boosters of Canadian film, particularly horror, but have been dialing into some of the stellar exploitation films this country has produced, such as Siege, Search & Destroy, Death Weekend and many others. It’s going to continue to be an obsession going forward, even if these films are frequently and increasingly difficult to find.

For those who are interested, this site’s co-founder Chris has an article over at Daily Dead celebrating below-the-radar backwoods Canadian horror on this auspicious day.

We may not have won the genetic lottery (one of the many reasons we’re podcasters and not YouTube standouts) but we definitely won the geographic one. It’s such an honour and a privilege to hold Canadian passports. And it’s incredible how much talent our country has produced.

We’re going to continue to showcase exceptional Canadian film, both new (In the House of Flies, Turbo Kid, White Raven) and old (Black Christmas, Happy Birthday to Me, Curtains). Interested readers can check the tag “Canadian film,” for all the movies we’ve covered which have either been filmed north of the 49th parallel, or whose crew/creative talent were/are from here.

A reminder: we’re the hardest working men (not) in show business, uploading new podcast episodes every Friday, covering a wide array of genre film, predominantly horror. Follow us, leave a review on iTunes and don’t forget to pick up our book, Death by Umbrella! The 100 Weirdest Horror Movie Weapons (foreword by Lloyd Kaufman) where we’ve gone out of our way to include some choice Canadian deep cuts.

Enjoy the day off, and since our long weekends overlap, a happy Fourth of July to our American cousins.

Have a good one, eh!
REALLY AWFUL MOVIES

Genetic defects feeding on lost tourists. In this version of The Hills Have Eyes, a faithful re-imagining of the Wes Craven classic, Morocco provides a breathtaking substitute for the deserts of New Mexico as mutants get Carter, a family unlucky enough to make a wrong turn en route to California (The Mamas and the Papas’ California Dreamin provides a soundtrack motif to this nightmare).

In classic horror form, we start with the sights and the smells of what turns out is the end of the road: a basically abandoned gas station where the loner attendant says “don’t see many travellers around here…there ain’t nothing to see in the desert.”

The Carters, the travellers that unfortunately do pass by, comprise a tough-nosed ex-cop who “takes bullets over prayers,” his god-fearing wife, their gun-fearing Democrat son-in-law, his wife, their baby and her two younger siblings. There are also two heroic dogs, Beauty and Beast, who feature prominently.

The nature VS nurture debate ends here. It’s nature, as the defects who inhabit the desert are that way because of government radiation tests (in the opener, we get government officials with Geiger counters in so-called NBC suits — nuclear, biological chemical — getting violently speared and a montage of real-life nuclear radiation victims).

The mutants lay spike strips down for the Carters, whose truck and Airstream trailer are now desert sitting ducks.

They split up to get help, with the ex-cop, Bob, heading back to the service station and the nebbish Doug taking the road even less traveled. Now, neither of these paths are safe, as Bob is ambushed and dragged into a mine shaft before being burned in effigy, right in front of the family. And things get even worse from there.

Youngest sibling Bobby and his brother-in-law Doug come into their own and stand up to the sand creatures, as they’re treated like interlopers in this woebegone bit of real estate (similar to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre).

Terse atmosphere, a perfect backdrop, incredible performances (especially Dan Byrd as the youngster Bobby) and dynamite gore means this is many cuts above your average remake. And that should be no surprise, as Alexandre Aja’s behind this, he of Haute Tension (High Tension). Knock off half a star for some silliness toward the end.

***1/2 (out of 5)