Really Awful Movies

In Above the Law, Steven Seagal had yet to really grow into his pony tail, understandable as this was his debut.

And speaking of growth, he stars here as Nico, the world’s tallest Sicilian. He’s a Chicago cop from Palermo whom we’re introduced to by way of the war in Vietnam, and what else a but martial arts montage of epically 80s proportions where we get to hear him speak Japanese.

Flash forward to a 1988 christening and Seagal’s breaking language barriers again by showcasing his Italian in a big church and venturing over to a mandolin-infused party straight out of The Godfather.

More importantly, in Above the Law, we get our first glimpse of Seagal in the profession we’ve come to love him in in countless subsequent roles: an ex CIA man. If you were to put Seagal in King Lear, he’d be a monarch father to three daughters (and an ex CIA man).

On the Chicago PD, Nico is on the trail of a Salvadoran drug dealer. After he’s busted, they find more than they bargained for – explosives. And in an odd turn of events, the guy’s linked to a corrupt Vietnam military official Nico served with, who’s also CIA.

Nico’s partner on the force is the formidable Pam Grier as “Jacks” Jackson, and their banter here is a delight (“What is it about this place you don’t like? The element!”). It’s easy to forget that before the 2000s, Seagal was actually quick with his tongue before he began drawling ersatz Cajun* as authentic as Popeyes Louisiana Chicken.

above-the-law_Seagal More importantly though, he’s quick with his moves.

Above the Law features a lean, very mean Steve S. in a monumental bar fight, not as good as the one in Out for Justice (“Are you da boxa?”), but pretty darn exceptional, where he whips the butt of every guinea unibrow in the Windy City.

Later, he dispenses with a bunch of Chicano stereotypes in inimitable fashion.

A fellow cop derides his “martial arts hero, chop suey crap,” but this is the man at his finest.

Eagle-eyed viewers will spot Ron Dean as a Chicago detective. He’s known as the tough-as-nails dad to Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club.

Top-drawer Seagal.

***3/4 (out of 5)

[*Check out our latter day Steven Seagal movies discussion on the Really Awful Movies Podcast!]

It’d be tough to go agog over Gitaskog, the original title of Creature Lake. Must’ve been a tough call for the filmmakers. After all, this one’s based on Algonquin folklore and a mouthful like that would certainly stand out, although probably not in a good way in terms of confusion/branding.

After wading through a glut of found footage films, this reviewer was pained to endure yet another, but somehow, against the toughest odds, plucky Creature Lake pulls through.

It’s one of those interlopers-on-sacred-land movies, where a group of campers is cursed by the spirit of something sinister. But it’s more than that as well.

In a nutshell, 5 bigoted misogynistic half-wits road-trip it out to Indian Country in an SUV over a Canada Day long weekend. And the proceedings are painstakingly documented by the least objectionable of the bunch – so backhanded a compliment it should come with a glove.

It’s possible some viewers may object to the guys being so off-putting as personalities that they’re unwilling to root for them, but that was probably intentional based on the set up, which might resonate more with Canadian viewers, our home on native land, etc.

As is often the case for these kinds of productions, the adventurers are given fair warning from an Algonquin bartender they dismiss as “kemosabe.” Leader of the pack Jason is a real estate speculator who’s gotten hold of a parcel of land on Big Lake, which is part of an Indian reserve and is equipped with a lake-view cabin.

Soon, he and his idiot friends are proclaiming their freedom to “drink what they want and piss where they want” without the interference of womenfolk, and they’re behaving like the coarse a-holes that they proved themselves to be earlier when getting shown out of a Native watering hole.

Croatian Mike falls off a rock while fishing, later claiming he was pulled in by a mysterious force, and it’s then that things start to unravel.

Not nearly as effective a male-bonding exercise as the captivating Canadian horror film White Raven, Creature Lake nonetheless fits into the Canuxploitation milieu quite nicely. There are actually a couple of genuinely creepy moments, and it takes you places you wouldn’t necessarily expect.

And it’s a nice touch that the weekend warrior crew is subjected to various nefarious forces at play out in the bush, and not just the tentacled creature depicted above.

*** (out of 5)