Mystery of Chessboxing

Forget Scream’s Ghost Face Killer. This is the movie that actually originated Ghostie, one of the all-time legendary kung fu antagonists (Mystery of Chessboxing also inspired Wu rapper’s Ghost Face Killah  moniker).

The plot couldn’t be any simpler: revenge. That’s the lighter fluid that fuels a thousand of these films.

Old, ruthless Ghost Face has killed Ah Pao’s father. And Ah Pao needs to go find the geezer with the monster eyebrows and the long wig that’s always threatening to come off his noggin. Problem is, Ah Pao doesn’t know kung fu and Ghost Face isn’t ready to be put out to retirement home pasture, as he’s kicked the ass of everyone else in this film. What to do? Find a kung fu school, of course!

Why? To pad running time with lengthy exercises, montages, and bits of feel the Qi jibber-jabber and everyone should be glad they did. At the first school, teachers and pupils alike torment poor AP, who is as low in the pecking order as you get without a janitor outfit and a mop. He has to bring them all bowls of rice, eventually, become such a proficient server that he’s the flare bartender of doling out rice, flipping plates over his head and behind his back and displaying such incredible dexterity that he’s…a star pupil shown everything the sensei knows?

Hardly.

Ah Pao is booted from the school, and ends up under the tutelage of a chess master, hence the film’s title. It’s there that he finally gets instruction necessary to beat the holy living tar out of the Ghost Faced Killer.

Their ultimate showdown is one for the ages, a throw-down of epic proportions.

Genre fans will get a kick out of (no pun intended) Siu Tin Yuen as a humble cook. He’s best known, of course, for his turns in Drunken Master and Story of Drunken Master.

[check out a full discussion of Mystery of Chessboxing on the Really Awful Movies Podcast]

The Challenge

the_challenge1982A down on his luck boxer who needs a big score to get himself back on his feet is the plot to about 1,000 genre films from the 40s to the 60s. In The Challenge, the challenge as it were was to do something different with this trope.

In the case of this 1982 John Frankenheimer actioner, it’s a gig escorting a rare family heirloom from Los Angeles to Kyoto, Japan.

The piece in question, a samurai sword, was exchanged for a pack of smokes in World War II, and an enterprising GI brought it to LA. Its rightful owners want it back and the scion of the family, wheelchair-bound Toshio, hires a washed up California prizefighter to be its keeper.

Wearing the gloves is Scott Glenn as rugged Murphy, lured by the (still) impressive sum of $500/day, to smuggle the weapon in a golf bag through customs.

Unfortunately, the sword is not the genuine article. It’s a set up.

Others have their eyes on the prize, including Toshio’s evil uncle, Hideo, a business big-wig with a sprawling corporate compound that’d shame Facebook headquarters, featuring a slot where an ancient samurai sword should be…uh…slotted?

By this point, Hideo’s fully Americanized henchman Ando has unceremoniously tossed Toshio head over wheels out the back of a moving van and is threatening to kill Murphy if he doesn’t provide details about the weapon’s whereabouts.

But damned if he knows.

Turns out finding the real sword involves infiltrating a samurai school, run by none other than the legendary Toshiro Mifune as Toru Yoshida.

Where do Murphy’s loyalties lie? Does he bow to goon pressure and swipe the sword?

Co-written by John Sayles, the man behind three of our site faves, Piranha, The Howling and Alligator, The Challenge is fairly engaging stuff. Sayles keeps things moving at a nice pace, introducing lug Murphy to the decorous, simple pleasures of Japanese dojo life (we imagine Steven Seagal* enjoying this too for a bit, before that gave way to the pleasures of the Japanese buffet).

And in The Challenge, Murphy is, of course, bested by some righteous black belt artistry and demands that he be trained in the deadly arts before being swayed by the ways of the samurai.

And after being thrown out of the temple, he has to prove himself to get back in their good graces by withstanding burial up to the neck with no food nor drink for days.

The Challenge is by no means a classic, but does feature some kick-butt kendo, and some kyudo (Japanese archery).

*** (out of 5)

[Editors’ note: the movie is also notable for something else: aikido choreography by the bloated ponytail himself, then billed as “Steve” Seagal.