PMS Cop

PMS Cop PosterPMS Cop begins with a disclaimer. Something to the effect of “This film is in no way a confirmation that PMS exists.” A quick Goggling brings up “Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a combination of emotional, physical, psychological, and mood disturbances that occur after a woman’s ovulation and typically ending with the onset of her menstrual flow. The most common mood-related symptoms are irritability, depression, crying, oversensitivity, and mood swings.” Thus, these Y-chromosomed reviewers will accept that PMS is a thing and move on.

The film opens with a shower scene and the first in-focus shot is a pair of large, silicone-enhanced breasts. After this bit of (producer-mandated, I’m sure) nudity, the story proper begins. A clown is terrorizing the community and sexually-assaulting women with balloon animals and silly string. Officer Mary and her partner are in pursuit and Mary is recorded taking down the horrible harlequin with a little too much force.

She’s chastised by her superior for being too aggressive (but she get’s results, you stupid chief!) and is forced to undergo therapy. The quack diagnoses Mary’s aggressiveness as extreme PMS and forces her to undergo a trial for a new drug called Corybantic which is meant to mitigate the effects of PMS.

PMS CopMary and her partner are on duty when he decides to stop into a convenience store for some empty calories and is shot dead in a botched holdup. A greif-stricken Mary soon comes across a vehicular white-trash domestic disturbance. The redneck offender, who appears to have been featured on “COPS” a time or two, does not respect Mary’s authoritah and she responds, in one of the film’s few inspired moments, by ripping out his jaw.

She’s tracked down by the pharmaceutical company that manufactures Corybantic, and is forcefully brought in under heavy sedation for testing. The drug’s developer, the Frau Farbissina like Dr. Sokolov, determines that the drug is mutating in Mary’s system, causing increased agitation and superhuman strength, but that’s OK as the drug was meant for war application anyhow.

PMS Cop 2Mary shakes off the sedation and goes on a Terminator-like rampage. At this point, she’s now played by a different, leggier and bustier actress and is attired in short shorts and a skimpy tank-top rather than the regulation blues she was brought in wearing. She castrates security guards with staple-guns, rips out arms and snaps more limbs than Steven Seagal did before he became a bloated “reincarnation” of a Buddhist Lama/eco-warrior/blues-musician.

PMS Cop is an unoriginal cop-out (pun intended). Truthfully, the first half’s story of the Debra Morgan-esqe, tough-as-nails, no-nonsense, foul-mouthed, officer-of-the-law Mary was much more enticing than the generic T&A enhanced second. The title promised lurid, giddy entertainment, but the film wastes a promising opening and merely delivers derivative, half-baked ideas. Not great.

*1/2 (out of 5)

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