Alienator

In Alienator, a felon who looks like Fred Flintstone who’s wearing what looks like a silver life preserver,  is held captive on a prison planet awaiting death row.

About to dispatch him is a spaceship commander played by the messed up Jan Michael Vincent, who when he’s not navigating warp drives, etc. hits on his sexy underling (seen below) while a portly Mr. Scott lookalike makes sure he’s playing by the book.

The felon Kol, manages to wrest himself free and make his way to an escape pod, which he crash lands into earth. That is where he’s sideswiped by campers drunk driving an RV. The vehicle’s occupants get him to the local camp warden’s cabin and while he’s convalescing, the campers pepper him with questions about ET, etc., while their otherworldly patient says someone’s out to get him.

Right he is.

They soon find out that the escaped con Kol’s tracking bracelet is sending out signals to a terminator that’s been sent to find and kill him.

One of the campers, who looks like the lovechild of Emilio Estefez and Andy Samberg, peppers the film with unfunny movie references and speculates that they’ll be part of some War of the Worlds scenario, which almost comes to pass.

And this is where Alienator kicks into hilarious high gear as the terminator, an “Alienator” (accurately titled as it turns out, as alienate also means to transfer ownership of property) is portrayed by a giant female bodybuilder sporting an unflattering bikini bottom.

She’s impervious to shotgun blasts and wears breast plates that look like the bottom half of a blender or a stovetop espresso maker.

It looks as if b legend director Fred Olen Ray ran out of funds and was desperate to use his leftover space footage. Alternately inept and unintentionally uproarious. And as a bonus: lots of terrible lasers.

Check out our discussion of this very minor classic on the Really Awful Movies Podcast.

***1/2 (out of 5)