The Facility

Not so much trial by fire, as trial by drug trial by fire, seven volunteers look to line their pockets to the tune of a £2,000 (about $2,500 US) by taking some experimental meds.

The subjects make their way to some off-the-beaten track facility which lacks all mod-cons, including internet and anything that could be used to summon help ASAP.

That’s a pretty great premise, and if the results prove efficacious, bonus, it’ll end up in Lancet!

The staff at The Facility don’t prove to be much help at all, as after all, it’s a double-blind study wherein neither staff nor subject knows what drug is being administered, which adds a quick-and-easy layer of intrigue to the proceedings, even if the researchers’ biases aren’t particularly well hidden.

And the people potentially putting their lives on the line for the equivalent of a nice studio flat in a semi-decent area of London? There’s a Charlie Manson doppelganger whose saddle-face tells a tale of one pharma trial too many, but at least hasn’t suffered the fate of the Simpsons’ Mr McGreg, who has a “leg for an arm and an arm for a leg” with his dangerous occupation choice. He’s a seen-it-all vet of these types of things and scares the other assembled with a possibly apocryphal yarn about staff in other studies taking advantage of comatose participants. There’s a journalist who’s taken a placebo, who arouses suspicions of her colleagues, a mindless workout fiend who despite instructions to the contrary, can’t keep himself from sit ups/push-ups and others not given much of a backstory.

Still the tension builds nicely with mordant humour, nice lighting, and inspired practical effects on the cheap.

There’s no hissing zombies or frothing-at-the-mouth, a welcome body horror change of pace.

This reviewer saw this one following the exemplary French documentary, Unit of Difficult Patients: What Future for the Criminally Insane? but wouldn’t recommend that as a date-night double-bill.

***1/4 (out of 5)

Crackerjack

Charm, gumption and a Yippee-ki-yay motherf*cker vaulted Die Hard into everyone’s favorite Christmas classics list. Crackerjack, by contrast, will do the opposite.

Die Hard on a mountain, this Canadian cheapie also has German baddies, and Christopher Plummer subbing Zs for Th’s as a Teutonic villain who favors starch collars and ugly racial politics as he takes a bunch of partiers hostage.

Luckily, a besotted Chicago cop (Thomas Ian Griffith of Karate Kid III fame) on vacation with his sister and bro-in-law is there to intercede, but not without a few J&B whiskey product placements and sound stage sullen set pieces along the way.

Crackerjack is bloody hilarious.

Its McClane is wound so tightly he punches out the organizer of his surprise party, and because this is knuckle-head action territory, he’s also been suspended from the force because he doesn’t see eye to bloodshot eye with the chief. And despite being able to knock back enough spirits to best Charles Bukowski, he’s still savvy and tough-as-nails enough to go toe-to-toe with his ruthless adversaries.

Genre fans will get a kick out of the Serpico nods, a Fredo-lite lifted right out of The Godfather and mise en scènes adorned with art depicting non-existent Chicago bluesmen, ’cause, you know…This is one Chicago cop who’s got the blues.

Crackerjack 3, the film’s equally hilarious (though unrelated) sequel, was a Koreatown DVD pick up by the authors of this site. In that one, Cold War spies reunite to take out a baddie threatening to lay waste to a German UN building. And its denouement reveals some subterfuge involving garden gnomes (!).

This one is a worthy series entry, with cable cars descending when they should be ascending, bizarre geographical blunders of bikinis and beach babes not normally present at such altitudes, and Nastassja Kinski as a deer-in-headlights love interest.

** (out of 5)

[Check out our Crackerjack discussion on the Really Awful Movies Podcast]