Really Awful Movies

It’s surprising that a disco-era horror period piece isn’t about vampires (disco sucks! Anyone is free to run with that idea, but be sure and credit us).

From the opening credits, a disco version of Flight of the Bumblebees, we know we’re in polyester / platform territory, a strange and foreign land dominated by indeterminate accents (Quebecers passing themselves off as native New Yorkers and Montreal, Quebec passing itself off as New York) .

Discopath has to have one of the most original premises in horror history: Duane Lewis, a hash slinger in a local diner, is tormented by his father’s recording studio electrocution death (a passing that was marked by the boom, boom, boom pounding of a foot pedal on a bass drum). Lewis goes berserk when he hears a backbeat (I’m tryin’ to get away from the music!”) and murders a woman in a Brooklyn nightclub. The NYPD is immediately on the case: “this is no longer a disco, it’s a crime scene!”, which has to be one of the more memorable lines in recent years.

Unfortunately, Lewis has absconded with the club owner’s ID and is making a run for the border: as luck would have it, bound for Montreal. It’s there he assumes an identity as “Martin”, feigns deafness and works as an audio / visual tech (you’d think his disability would’ve come up in the job interview) in…wait for it…an all-girls private school!!! Cue the short shorts and the plaid skirts…

There’s a vinyl murder that gives new meaning to the phrase “deep album cut” and gradually NYPD and Montreal police put two and two together and get four-on-the-floor hi-hat beats; their suspect is disco-mad and it’s the music that’s drivin’ him crazy.

Discopath, or Discopathe as it’s known on IMDb is a fun, giallo-inspired bit of Canuck horror with some genuine scares, an unforgettable premise and killer special effects from Remy Couture.

***1/2 (out of 5)

A testament to Humanoids’ quality is that the dog Baron gets it; many films pull punches when it comes to man’s best friend and we can’t count how many horror films have Fido escaping the clutches of some manic — but not from these rubber-suited marauders.

According to the book, Horror Films of the 1980s, “many have complained about Humanoids from the Deep because it features several scenes of grotesque inhuman creatures vigorously humping and impregnating nubile young women.”

It’s tawdry sleaze no doubt but there’s something else bubbling beneath the surface. It’s a Roger Corman production and as he himself has said: “there is always a political undercurrent in my films.” This one’s no exception.

The plot is just as relevant today as it was in 1980, especially given what’s going on in the fisheries industry, offshore farming controversies, depleted stocks and territorial disputes with First Nations: A northern California town is set to welcome a cannery, a purported economic driver for the area. The company’s chief scientist, who’s been trying to develop super salmon, inadvertently creates something you not only wouldn’t want as sashimi but also wouldn’t want anywhere near ye: killer genetic hybrid man-fish mutations. Aren’t they the worst?

Speaking of hybrids — this is basically The Creature From the Black Lagoon meets Jaws but with gobs of nudity as the man-fish prey upon the hapless humans.

There’s a splendid poppin’ racially-heated bar fight that must’ve kept foley artists busy, that is stopped by a gunshot in the air (that’s how you know it’s a bona fide bar brawl) and the admonition “pick yourselves up and go on home!”

There’s also the classic townsfolk line “we’re not leavin’ until we get some answers!” and much more delicious dialogue:

Scientist: “They’re in the process of becoming amphibious…Look at the size of the cranium. That means they have tremendous brain capacity!…Look…webbed hands!”
Company shill: “Your theory could be totally incorrect!”

Humanoids from the Deep was rightly included in Fangoria’s 101 Best Horror Movies You’ve Never Seen, which describes it as “a kind of Jaws for perverts.”

But it’s not the size of the boat that counts.

**** (out of 5)