Really Awful Movies

CHECK OUT OUR DISCUSSION OF CLASS OF 1984 ON THE PODCAST.

Lean on Me, Massacre at Central High, Blackboard Jungle…

All of these movies tackle the question of juvenile delinquency in the context of the classroom, something that’s been bugging society since long before the era of school shootings like Sandy Hook. These films have been around for a really long time, the only thing that’s changed is the level of violence and the moral ambiguity.

Class of 1984 focuses on Lincoln High, a Chicago-area school named after The Great Emancipator that needs to be saved from out-of-control violence and mayhem. Chicagoan Roger Ebert said he was moved by this in 82 at Cannes.

Understandably so.

An unwitting music teacher Mr. Norris meets with staunch resistance from hoodlums after his transfer (this was filmed at Central Tech, a Toronto school not far from where the authors of this site live).

Based on a story by co-writer Tom Holland, Mr Holand’s opus here shines the spotlight on school violence, which has gotten so out of hand, teachers are exercising their Second Amendment rights! One such teacher is the unhinged Mr. Corrigan (Roddy McDowall), driven around the bend dealing with all those dangerous minds. Soon, Norris is behaving as badly as the the wayward youth under his charge.

Class of 1984 is surprisingly violent, exploitative, yet engaging.

The flick is perhaps best known for being Michael J Fox’s first film role. He’s a puff-cheeked geek in the school band, exuding the fluid charm that put him on TV in front of millions as the inimitable Reagan conservative Alex P. Keaton. Astute viewers will also catch genre stalwart Lisa Langlois (Deadly Eyes and the bug-addled b-movie we tackled on our podcast, The Nest) and recall that the music teacher is played by Perry King, no stranger to juvenile delinquent movies as “Chico” in The Lords of Flatbush.

A special edition of the film is available through Shout! Factory.

***1/2 (out of 5)

Here’s something you don’t see every day in your run-of-the-mill quotidian 80s slasher: a brawl on a Tilt-A-Whirl.

Bloody New Year features yuppie vacationers taking in a carnival in Wales, and taking on carny folk who’ve spun their lady friend for more revolutions than she cared for. Two friends, one of whom has a sweater tied around his neck (the polo-inspired attire favored by rich folk one can readily resent in horror) leap to her defense. The carnies give chase. Soon, our heroes are rescued by their friends in a van and everything seems OK enough to be able to resume their summer furlough.

The party of six drive down to the beach and head out in a sailboat. Unfortunately, their craft starts to take on water and they’re forced to abandon ship and they find themselves castaways on a nearby island.

They’re met with DANGER: KEEP OUT signs, strange skulls and discordant runs up and down a piano keyboard. Be afraid, be very very afraid!

Bloody_New_Year — The carnival soothsayer predicts bad things will befall this group.

They happen upon the Grand Island Hotel, which, it should be said, seems neither grand nor to be a fully functioning hotel. It’s decked out in Christmas / New Year’s decorations despite it being the middle of summer. And the friends have it all to themselves. What could possibly go wrong?

There are some choice lines like: “I wonder what it’s like, doing it on a snooker table?” (The boyfriend doesn’t even respond with “I’ll break!”) and “We can’t go anywhere without a boat.” (Stands to reason as it’s an island.)

There happens to be a movie showing at the hotel’s theatre: the 1958 British sci fi film Fiend without a Face. But there’s something odd about the screen and the projection equipment seems to be running itself.

Bloody New Year is an off-kilter mélange of Twilight Zone and Demons and even has elements of Swamp Thing and Poltergeist.

And for a movie titled Bloody New Year, there’s not much in the way of blood (and it’s set in the middle of summer, but that doesn’t stop us from tagging it as a Holiday Movie).

Occasionally engaging stuff from Brit New-Waver Norman J. Warren, best known for Satan’s Slave and Inseminoid.

**1/2 (out of 5)