Frozen

FROZENThe great thing about horror is that there’s a fear that resonates with everyone. Jaws famously cleared the beaches by brilliantly capitalizing on both fear of sharks, and to an equal extent, the fear of open water.

Frozen looks at that element in its solid form and offers as unique a premise as any we’ve ever seen in a horror film: protagonists stuck on a ski resort’s chairlift.

This reviewer’s a lousy skier, but from ice-bitten experience in both Canada and the Swiss Alps, chairlifts are an undoubtedly frightening part of the skiing experience, second only to the view from the summit when your ski skills stink and things could go downhill real fast. Forget 007 in The Spy Who Loved Me. More like, a guy with a License to Kill Himself because he can only snowplow much of the way down…

Horror wouldn’t be horror if people didn’t find themselves isolated from help, regardless of the environs.

In Frozen, Dan, girlfriend Parker and Dan’s best mate Joe are on vacation and Joe’s the obvious third wheel. Parker’s a newbie who is preventing the guys from tackling the more formidable Black Diamond-style runs. With the resort set to close, the trio cajoles the attendant into one last after-hours ride.

When the electric motor groans to a halt, they’re left suspended up in the mountains by that one lone steel cable, as most of the staff has headed home for the night. Frozen ratchets up the terror ante by making them face two more fears other than what the title implies, each unsettling enough in its own right: heights and wild animals.

We could’ve done without the pack of wolves prowling below, regardless of whether they’re indigenous to New England, as some wags have pointed out in the negative.

As is the case for most survivalist movies, the viewers are teased with a potential rescue – here a groomer out to maintain the trails – who doesn’t see them and returns to the chalet and packs up for the night.

Much like the superior Open Water, it’s a tragic mistake that leaves the protagonists high if not particularly dry.

FROZEN_movieIt’s hard to place oneself in a survivalist situation, but as Canadians hardwired for the white stuff, there are certain cold weather precautions the kids could’ve taken: 1) Tucking their legs under their haunches to conserve heat, rather than dangling them off the edge of the chair  and 2) buttoning up their hoods to cover more of their faces (they likely could’ve also started a small fire, as one of them had their cigarettes and a lighter). Also, the conceit of having the resort closed for an extended period given the powder and awesome ski conditions seems inappropriate.

Still, we can’t just ice Frozen. There are genuine scares, good performances, and it’ll be something to think about (other than simply plummeting to your possible demise) next time you’re tackling the slopes and making that windy ascent.

*** (out of 5)

Xanadu

XanaduWarriors, come out so ska-eee-ate? Michael Beck (famously, Swan in The Warriors) plays a roller skating painter who befriends a beachside clarinetist and decides to open a nightclub.

That’s the truly incredible premise of Xanadu, made even more incredible by the fact that the seaside Benny Goodman is portrayed by none other than Gene Kelly and the artist’s muse is Olivia Newton John.

A musical that has more in common with Heavy Metal and Roger Corman’s The Trip than it does with Singin’ in the Rain or Mary Poppins, Xanadu dials up the weird with animated sequences, hallucinatory 1940s big band dance and tap, 70s prog rock and musical numbers that simply defy all description and linear sense.

ELO’s Jeff Lynne penned the very odd soundtrack to accompany the storyline of one Sonny Malone, an artist who paints for a record company exec who bears a minor resemblance to Al Pacino in Carlito’s Way. His work is a happier take on Storm Thorgersen’s, that rock artist responsible for the likes of the bleak Pink Floyd “Animals” album cover.  Malone becomes smitten with a chimerical Kira (Olivia Newton John) and ends up roller skating with her in an abandoned beachside theatre that used to showcase pro wrestling.

xanadu2Much to Malone’s chagrin she keeps disappearing and he forlornly walks along the beach where he encounters Gene Kelly’s “Danny,” a dapper, upbeat clarinetist who takes him under his wing and invites him to his Old Hollywood-style mansion.

They endeavour to turn the beachside theatre into XANADU, a smashing new nightclub that merges the best of 1940s big band with the excesses of late 70s prog rock. Roger Ebert describes such a musical pairing as “Andrews Sisters clones in close harmony, and the Electric Light Orchestra in full explosion.”

Let’s just say this business plan wouldn’t pass muster on The Shark Tank.

If “Xanadu” sounds familiar it should. It was the mansion in Citizen Cane and it’s famously referenced in Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s opioid-induced poem, Kubla Khan: Or a Vision in a Dream (that poem famous for the line about having “drunk the milk of paradise”)

Xanadu_2Speaking of being under the influence, mind-altering stimulants have to have been the impetus for Xanadu, which not only references the famous Romantic-era poem but has a subplot involving the daughter of Zeus (when we said Kira was Sonny’s muse…we meant that…an actual muse!)

There is a sequence that’s best described as taking place on The Mother Ship and a portal into another dimension that’s disguised as a graffiti wall Sonny Malone roller-skates through. There’s also a surreal montage of Gene Kelly trying on dandy suits.

Off-the-charts wacky and yet oddly compelling (if overlong) Xanadu has been described as “unembarrassed chutzpah,” “campy joyful fun,” and “Xana-don’t.”

Why not call it Portrait of The Warriors Artist as a Young Man? It nearly defies description but is definitely worth a look.

***1/2 (out of 5)

[AND CHECK OUT OUR XANADU DISCUSSION ON THE REALLY AWFUL MOVIES PODCAST]