Slugs

In journalism, a slug is a short name given to an article in production. Also short, the entirely comprehensive (and accurate) IMDb summary of Slugs: “killer slugs on the rampage in a rural community…”

And rampage they do.

Now, there is a list as long as your arm of horror films adapted from novels: The Shining, Jaws, Deliverance, Psycho, Rosemary’s Baby, but little did we know…so is this one. Author Shaun Hutson (who also did the UK film novelization of The Terminator) told This is Horror, “The film isn’t great, I think we’d all agree on that, but it’s not the worst film I’ve ever seen in my life. Honest. There are far worse films with far bigger budgets foisted on the public every week!”

How true.

Juan Piquer Simón (as J.P. Simon) directs this Spanish-American production (our pal Chris Alexander from Shock Til You Drop does the Blu-ray audio commentary). He also the man behind the memorable — for all the wrong reasons — Pieces.

And yes, things couldn’t get any more simple.

Like other eco horror features, Slugs good ol’ toxic waste gets things rollin’. And there’s a voice of reason, whose warnings go unheeded. And that voice belongs to Mike Brady, and, a la Matthew Bennell (Donald Sutherland) in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, he’s a health inspector. There’s even a scene where Brady is looking into safety concerns at a local boîte. 

But what puts Slugs over the top, is its incredibly slimy gore. There are exposed eye sockets, innards, outards, etc. And also, some of the slugs contain parasites. In one evocative scene, a woman’s making a light dinner (a salad) for her beau, and anyone with any anxiety about food prep safety, will be particularly swayed by this one…and you see her cut a cross-section of the creature with a kitchen knife. It’s simply incredible.

Also, an amorous couple gets swarmed by slugs in the boudoir. It’s almost too icky.

*** (out of 5)

[CHECK OUT OUR SLUGS PODCAST!]

 

The Love Guru

There are two directions a film called The Love Guru can go: either a send-up of easy answer self-help inspirational culture of the kind that’s infested Instagram, or a satire of cults and their acolytes (interestingly, the line between these is often blurred).

When you don’t delve deeply enough into either, you’re stuck in a comedy middle ground, a laugh-less purgatory.

The indelible pop culture juggernaut that is Austin Powers could make sport of his own sexual inadequacy, toy with action film convention, and of course, mine the wealth of material that is the James Bond franchise. However, Guru Pitka, the title character in The Love Guru, is as under-developed as some of the Saturday Night Live-character-based full-length features.  In fact, even though its genesis is elsewhere, the bearded guru character feels like it was workshopped in front of Lorne Michaels, and kiboshed before making it to air.

The Love Guru is pretty grim stuff indeed, and a shame too as it’s unabashedly Canadian, peppered with arcane references to a storied (well, infamous and perpetually terrible) Toronto hockey team (and its owner) and featuring our national game in all its glory. And there’s a wealth of supporting talent in the form of Stephen Colbert, Justin Timberlake, and others.

The Guru is brought in to help one of the Leafs’ star players reconcile with his wife, who’s left him for a French-Canadian goalie. He figures this will catapult him to the top of the self-help heap, currently occupied by Deepak Chopra.

This threadbare plotting paves the way for loads of Myers’ cheeky innuendo and awful punning, the kind that a character as lovably lecherous as Austin Powers could get away with — but not so here. Especially when he’s laughing at his own tepid jokes.

Vern Troyer (as Coach Punch Cherkov…yep, that’s the kind of humor we’re dealing with) is the subject of a terrific gag involving his scaled-to-size office, however that’s possibly The Love Guru’s sole guffaw.

And with an 87-minute run-time, it still feels heavily padded (there are three, count ’em three, musical numbers, none of which is inspired).

Painful stuff.

*1/2 (out of 5)

[Be sure to check out our podcast of The Love Guru on the Really Awful Movies Podcast]!