Really Awful Movies

With shades of Carpenter, the camera zooms in on a typical suburban home that might as well be on the tree-lined streets of Haddonfield, Illinois. And the address could very well be 1428 Elm Street, based on the neo-Colonial architecture. But this is The Stepfather, a film which takes elements of thrillers from the late 80s like Fatal Attraction, and adds elements of the slasher genre to produce something pretty unique. It’s since become a minor franchise as really only the first one has had a major impact.

Director Joseph Ruben is responsible (He’s also behind Sleeping with the Enemy, which we detail in our list of Scary Classical Music Pieces). He has the camera leering at a post-massacre milieu, where our antagonist, Henry Morrison, is cleaning up after his bloody handiwork. This includes trimming his beard and adopting a new identity as button-up, straight-laced family man, Jerry Blake, and dumping his incriminating duds in Puget Sound.

Fast forward (that mainstay of horror films) and Jerry Blake (Terry O’Quinn) has hooked up with widower Susan (Shelley Hack) and is stepfather to her 16-year old daughter, Steph (Jill Schoelen).

Blake is trying to recreate the American dream of a white-picket fence, and a wholesome family (he even works as a realtor for American Eagle Realty) and is obsessed with Eisenhower era staples like Father Knows Best, Mister Ed, and “the way we were…” (the song rights were too costly, so viewers were spared that execrable Streisand tear-jerker). Instead, Blake whistles the royalty-free “Camptown Ladies” Sing this Song (you know the rest).

Unfortunately for him, Steph is not the model daughter, but rebels against her tight-ass pops. This sends Blake into a rage, frequently acted out in his basement, where he has a wide assort of power tools including a circular saw.

This does not bode well.

When Steph’s family therapist, Dr. Bondurant, pretends to be a prospective home buyer to get a better sense of Blake’s mien, Blake gets mean, and beats him to death with a 2X4.

The Stepfather is not without expository cheesiness, and silly fringe characters. However, when it gets going, it really brings the goods, thanks in large part to the incredible performances of O’Quinn and Schoelen.

***1/2 (out of 5)

[CHECK OUT OUR PODCAST DISCUSSION OF THE STEPFATHER]

Who knew there were four, count ’em four, Prom Night movies? In what’s probably the least heralded slasher franchise ever, Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II is a singular achievement and best series entry, which might be the most back-handed compliment ever doled out on this site.

This minor Canadian classic lurches out of the gate with, what else? A prologue! Prologues are so ubiquitous in horror, that there are even prologue sub-sets. Here, much like in Pledge Night or The House on Sorority Row, it’s a PRANK GONE HORRIBLY WRONG.

We’re hangin’ at Hamilton High, where the “high” could not only stand for highschool but double as a reference to the foreheads of the seniors, who look aged beyond their years. It’s the 60s, we’re male pattern baldness-boogieing to the strains of Little Richard, and one rambunctious fellow, Billy, thinks it’d be hilarious to let off a stink bomb. Was this a thing? Perhaps before our time? (That 70s Show also featured an episode where a stink bomb was deployed by Fez). No matter.

The incendiary devices goes off during the high school dance, lighting up the curtains and immolating the prom queen, who burns in a kind of effigy: A-Wop-bop-a-loo-lop a-lop-bam-boo and she’s toast. Burnt toast.

Flash forward to the 80s, and Billy the stink bomb tosser (who’s also a tosser, Brit slang-wise) is now the principal! And lucky viewers are treated to the unhinged Canuck b-movie staple, Michael Ironside portraying him…

And he and the rest of the school community have to cope with restless spirit of the titular prom queen, who is not to be trifled with. Chimerical Mary Lou inhabits the body of blonde high-schooler Vicki, and starts killing off her friends.

Prom Night II has a dreamlike quality, and there are parallels to A Nightmare on Elm Street, particularly the first and the third. These qualities really push it into another category of film, rather than the more straight ahead slasher that was its predecessor. Of particular note, the rocking horse sequences, where of course, equine archetypes are a surrogate for power and burgeoning sexuality.

There’s a truly unique and innovative kill, which we proudly chronicle in our book, Death by Umbrella! The 100 Weirdest Horror Movie Weapons.

Hurt locker, fo’ sho’.

*** (out of 5)

[Check out our discussion of Prom Night II on the Really Awful Movies Podcast]