What’s next, a nail-biter about air hockey? Longshot is a feature-length (!) film about…foosball.

Jesus, Bald-headed Christ. Of all the misguided, stupid, pointless, obscure, un-marketable, premises for a flick…this has to take the cake.

Leif Garrett is Paul Rodgers. He wants to be the next Lionel Messi/Cristiano Ronaldo. An actual footballer. But for his field of dreams to be realized, he needs to finance a trip to Europe to train.* This requires seed money. So he turns his attention to that ultimate cash-cow: the foosball tournament circuit.

Who knew this would be so lucrative?

When people think foosball, they think being drunk. It’s a bar parlor game at establishments, large and loud enough to accommodate such things. And you’d have to have been under the influence to conceive of, and then finance such a film.

Paul passes on a scholarship to a US college and along with pal Leroy, plans an excursion to Lake Tahoe, the apparent epicenter of the Table Football universe.

Unfortunately, Leroy injures his spinning hand (um). So Paul enlists the help of 13-year old Maxine. Because that’s what 18-year-olds do, they cross state lines with minors and stay in motel rooms with them. WTF?

That’s a proposition that beggars belief. Much like passing on a scholarship at your post-secondary education to take a chance on some dopey tournament. Unless your competition had thalidomide arms, it’d probably be anyone’s game.

We podcasted Manos: The Hands of Fate, one of the most boring films ever committed to celluloid. And this is that film’s easy rival. It’s agonizing on every level you know, and on some you don’t. It’s impossible to make a filmable movie about foosball. Trust.

* (out of 5)

[Check out our podcast discussion of Longshot!]

[*Editors’ note: being 18+ is a little late in the game to be a professional footballer. Major clubs have academies and there are youth clubs, so if you’re an American eyeballing the beautiful game…you should probably start a decade earlier than Leif does here!]

Published by Really Awful Movies

Genre film reviewers covering horror and action films. Books include: Mine's Bigger Than Yours! The 100 Wackiest Action Movies and Death by Umbrella! The 100 Weirdest Horror Movie Weapons.

5 thoughts on “Longshot

  1. I took part in the making of this film. (I agree with your review, btw)
    Nevertheless I wonder where I could find a copy in any format other than VHS? Where did you see it for your review? Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What did you do for the film Randall? Any memorable stories? No one involved seems to want to talk about it. I believe the soundtrack release was cancelled since I can find no evidence of its release other than being mentioned as available on Scotti Bros at the film end credits

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Rusty Rod,
        I was a professional Foosball player at the time. Pro players were invited to participate in a tournament that was to be used as the background for the final scenes in the movie. It was held at the Hollywood Palladium over 2-3- days. They handled it like any other tournament, but the film crew was allowed to stop everything when they were ready to shoot their next shot. Players were used as background extras, and were paid at the end of the weekend. I actually appear (VERY briefly) playing next to Leif Garrett during the montage near the end. My wife loves to tease me about my glorious “movie career.” If you can PM me, or contact me through my website, I can send you a photo I took on the set.

        Liked by 1 person

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