Really Awful Movies

Open Water

Why so glum, chum? In Open Water a couple finds themselves “shark bait,” when they’re accidentally abandoned at a dive site in open ocean in the Caribbean.

Daniel and Susan, whose relationship is suffering at the hands of the latter’s careerist Type-A personality, decide to get away from it all and set aside a few weeks in the Bahamas. As a show of good faith, she finally agrees to kick back and to not so fastidiously check her emails.

The couple bask in the sun and then board a boat with a bunch of other tourists to go deep sea diving. So far so good, as divers pair off and go exploring the wonders of the sea.

Soon however, the duo is drifting apart. And we’re not talking emotionally (although that happens too, understandable given the circumstances). Though some truly horrible mix-up, they’re left exploring a reef in deep waters while the boat returns the hundred miles to shore.

The film, shot for a mere $130,000 by newbie duo Chris Kentis and Laura Lau, was inspired by the real-life case of Tom and Eileen Lonergan who died exploring the Great Barrier Reef.

More recently, divers Richard Neely and partner, Alison Dalton, survived 20 hours treading water off the coast of Queensland Australia, when their dive boat failed to pick them up. Seven helicopters, three planes and six boats were deployed to find the twosome, who luckily didn’t meet the same fate as the Lonergans, who either drowned or we can surmise, were killed by sharks.

And speaking of those deep sea killers, shark wrangler Stuart Cove was brought in by the filmmakers to direct the cartilaginous “extras” either right or left, by tossing chum in either of those directions. Forget Bruce from Jaws.

Credit to the actors Daniel Travis and Blanchard Ryan for stellar performances given the trying circumstances.

Thalassophobia is the fear of deep water and Open Water exploits this fear to the fullest. The sharks almost take a backseat to the existential fear of being left to die alone.

Proof that gore isn’t required for horror, Open Water terrifies through isolation.

**** (out of 5)

Horror Movie Weapons

The pitchfork in The Prowler was probably the most conventional weapon we covered in our book, DEATH BY UMBRELLA! THE 100 WEIRDEST HORROR MOVIE WEAPONS.

We were wondering about that one, as the killer is a war vet and unless our boys were bailing hay in the trenches in France, that one really made no sense at all. Now the antagonist did redeem himself by using a bayonet as well. So it checks out.

Of course, a pitchfork was also used by Jason in Friday the 13th Part 2 (pre-mask, in Sackhead / Town that Dreaded Sundown regalia) to attack Final Girl Ginny in her, ahem, “getaway vehicle.” (We don’t have the NHTSA stats, but compounding car problems, so prevalent in horror films, is driving a convertible, as soft-tops are easily breached by pitchfork even if the killer hasn’t been diligent with his chin-ups/bicep curls.)

Really, an entire book could’ve been devoted to just Jason weaponry, as Crystal Lake’s most famous son went above and beyond when it came to hunting down oblivious camp counselors. The campground’s resident maniac did favor a machete, but variety is the spice of life as he variously turned to spears, fists, liquid nitrogen, guitars, you name it as the series was met with diminishing returns.

When researching our book, a lot of weapons didn’t make the cut as it were. And we had to pick our very favorite Jason moments to give our book variety. But just because a machete instead of, say, a lawnmower is used doesn’t necessarily make the kill any less memorable.

Friday_the_13th_Part 2 — Rollovers have a higher fatality rate than other types of vehicle collisions. That’s one more reason not to drive a convertible.

There are loads of terrific kills in horror movies using weaponry that doesn’t require a visit to the hardware store or a munitions depot. You can just grab what’s lying around. And that also prompts the question, why would a campground in the woods have a pitchfork lying around? Guess it’s possible Jason earned his keep as a farmhand/day laborer near ill-fated Camp Packanack.

Jeff from Really Awful Movies breaks down his favorite kills too conventional for our book over at the terrific site FLICK ATTACK. It’s definitely worth a read.