Really Awful Movies

The theory of “peak oil” has been bandied about since the 70s. And as The Intruder Within (1985) points out, a full decade after the concept had been the cause of many a sleepless night: “There’s no such thing as easy oil anymore…”

Since then, drillers have had to go further and further afield to find black gold. Much like how horror directors have had to look for new and novel ways of putting people in harm’s way. In The Intruder Within, it’s an oil rig.

Here, “roughnecks” aboard the wonderfully-named Zortron 101, which might as well have been spat straight from the mouth of The Simpsons’ Professor Frink, are digging down…way way down (20,000 feet in fact). And what they find while plumbing those dark depths many leagues below is icky.

The film is this reviewer’s first oil rigger-themed horror, and it’s a pretty intriguing novelty. If anything should go wrong, help is days away because far out in the middle of the ocean, you can’t very easily pull an Arnie and “get to ze choppuh”.

It’s from the deepest, darkest depths that the crew pulls up what one of ’em calls, “a sea lamprey of some sort,” into their shale shaker.

The creature munches on one of their compatriot’s arms in thoroughly non-engrossing fashion, spurring a disinterested scientific examination by the vessel’s geologist, who puts parts of the weird life form (which looks like all-you-can-eat oysters) into a container. They ooze out, and it turns out their carapaces emit some kind of toxic gas. Soon, roughnecks are dropping dead at a breakneck pace.

So…this is a high seas Alien, right?

Basically, any time a group of people in close quarters encounters an embryonic creature from which there is no escape, comparisons to Ridley Scott’s classic are darn near inevitable. (But as far as shameless rip-offs go, at least this film’s Canadian and not Italian – the country that’s spawned so many of these. For those who are interested, definitely check out our Contamination podcast.)

the_intruder_within_movie — Anyone know any good Izakaya restaurants?

Once things naturally go haywire, the radio equipment picks the perfect time to conk out, and the crew has to figure out how in the hell they’re going to escape the ravages of the deep sea goo.

Director Peter Carter also gave us the highly underrated classic The Creeper (aka, Canadian Deliverance, aka, Rituals) and adds a few fun flourishes here.

The Intruder Within is surprisingly watchable, and there are quite hilarious romantic machinations afoot, involving two of the most attractive women ever to board an oil rig (now, or since).

**1/2 (out of 5)

“People don’t change”…or do they? Psycho II explores that theme deliciously, a la David Cronenberg’s A History of Violence, bridging Hitch’s 60s Norman Bates with the sleazy 80s and managing to do justice to The Master of Suspense in the process.

Who knew?

And with decades in between this incarnation and the inestimable, explosive original, odds were severely stacked against this one (especially in a horror world littered with abominable Part 2s which undermined classic originals, think Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Exorcist II: The Heretic, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge).

With its recidivism rumblings, the Psycho II set up is a delight, and we’re re-introduced to Norman Bates via the criminal justice system, a terrific conceit that’s certainly timeless. Reactions to his release are understandably negative, as Norman is unleashed on the public. Luckily, there are enough “forgive and forget” types willing to give the notorious innkeeper a shot at redemption, in this case a greasy spoon owner who hires him on as kitchen help.

Unbelievably, Norman returns to his old stomping grounds, severely undermining his shot at redemption and starting up a new life. We’re no psychiatrists or parole officers, but he might’ve been better off in a completely different line of work/time zone, etc.

Psycho II is way better than it should’ve been and one of the most underrated sequels ever made.

For a more in-depth look at the film, check out our Psycho II episode of the Really Awful movies Podcast.

***1/2 (out of 5)